Systemic Manipulation Isn’t New, It’s Just Getting Harder to Ignore

We are pulled in by the promise of social connection.

Last week, two landmark lawsuits were won against tech giants for causing harm through their platforms. It is being hailed as a victory that holds companies responsible for the youth mental health crisis and will open the door for future lawsuits. 

In one of last week’s victories, Meta and Google were found to be deliberately creating addictive platforms, Instagram and YouTube, that were causing psychological harm. In another, Meta was found guilty of failing to protect youth from online predators on apps like Facebook and Instagram. 

These two victories recognize something that has long been normalized: systemic manipulation. 

In these lawsuits, the focus was on youth mental health. But this problem extends far beyond youth. Social media companies have long been mining their users as products and creating ever more addictive platforms with algorithms that engender outrage, amplify misogyny and intensify hate. 

These apps and online spaces are sold to us as “social” media. That concept makes it seem as though they are social gathering spaces or public squares designed for people. It is framed as an innocent concept that obscures the fact that all of our online social spaces are run by corporations that take from us. Our time, our attention, our autonomy, even our money. We have become the product, and these systems are extraction machines. This dynamic is not new or exceptional. It is present in every form of manipulative relationship, from cults to coercive relationships. 

We have become the product, and these systems are extraction machines.

How does social media manipulate us?

First, there is isolation. Where social media companies create totalizing, addictive environments that eat up our time. All that time spent scrolling through deliberately designed apps meant to keep our attention with the endless scroll is time we are spending away from our lives and loved ones. 

Then there is an alteration of our worldview. Algorithmic manipulation shapes what we are exposed to, which affects how we see the world. This is similar to a manipulative group or cult controlling a cult member's media environment for the benefit of the group or leader. In this case, though, the benefactor is a corporation that profits from our attention. 

There is also identity control. The personalization of our feeds and the echo chambers we are drawn into begin to shape what we see and how we understand ourselves. Over time, our preferences, our beliefs, and even our sense of self are reinforced and narrowed. We are locked into rigid systems of belief shaped by corporate preferences.

What can we do?

Although these lawsuits are encouraging and systemic change is absolutely necessary, they don’t help us now, in the moment, when we, or someone we love, are drawn in by normalized manipulative systems. 

We are attracted to these systems by our yearning for community, connection, and purpose. We aim to be fulfilled in these digital spaces. The “social” part of the media is what we crave, and it’s what keeps us going back for more. There is a real, almost primal sense that we are connecting. Every time we like or share a video or post. Every time we make a comment or create our own content. We are reaching out and longing to be seen, to be understood. To see and understand others. It is a beautiful drive that has been co-opted by manipulative corporations for their own profit.

So how can we help a loved one who is struggling with social media manipulation? 

The instinct is often to push back harder. To correct, to warn, to offer “truth” and to pull people out of these harmful systems as quickly as possible. But this can easily recreate the same dynamics we are trying to resist. We need to reduce the urgency and the pressure. We need to create a more appealing alternative to finding the community, connection, and purpose we seek when we pick up our devices.  

We are reaching out and longing to be seen, to be understood. To see and understand others.

This means we should slow down, get curious and be open. Things social media is not built for.

Slow Down

Unless there is a high risk to health or life, there is no need to rush change. It’s okay to take things slow, to learn and plan to help in the most effective way possible. Get advice, talk to people who have been in similar situations, and get a better understanding of your loved one's situation before taking action.  

Get Curious 

Ask questions. Lots of them. Get to know your loved one’s habits, understand what draws them to their devices. What excites them? What keeps them hooked? What are they looking for on social media that they aren’t getting from their lives? Make sure your curiosity is non-judgmental. 

Often, people ask a question that is really a statement, like: "Why are you so addicted to your phone?” This is a judgmental stance that assumes there is already a problem. Try something more open instead: “I’m curious about what’s got you interested in your phone today. What’s exciting you?” By showing interest in your loved one’s interests, they will be more likely to open up and share with you. 

Be Open  

Be open to all the possibilities of your loved one’s situation. Maybe there is something you didn’t see before, or didn’t know. Don’t assume you know exactly what is going on in their lives. Ask! They might just surprise you. 

These are some first steps you can take to help a loved one. For more details, check out our toolkits for Helping Loved Ones and Communication Strategies.

What if I’m the one who is hooked?

Let’s face it, most of us are hooked on our devices to some extent. This is the nature of systemic manipulation—it’s ubiquitous and difficult to avoid.

If you feel stuck in the scroll and are finding it difficult to navigate your way out, help is available. Counter has recently begun a partnership with Offline.Now, a company helping people find a healthy digital balance in their lives.

If you’re looking for support, Offline.Now offers a directory of practitioners and useful tools to help you build a healthier relationship with your devices.

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These systems are not going away anytime soon. And while accountability at the level of corporations is vital, it does not replace what we can do in our own lives and relationships.

If manipulation is built into the systems we use every day, then the way we show up for each other matters even more. We need to slow down, stay curious, and create spaces where people can think, question, and connect without being pulled or pressured by manipulative systems.

These may seem like small steps, but they are not insignificant. They are how we begin to counter systems that were never built with us in mind. They are bridges for building something more stable and real, so we can all thrive, both online and off. 

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If you need help now and want to talk to a real person, book a free consultation with Counter, and we will help point you in the right direction.